


Faith

by AndreaLovesMichonne



Category: Cold Case
Genre: Angst, Episode Related, Episode Tag, Established Relationship, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-28
Updated: 2015-02-28
Packaged: 2018-03-15 16:24:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3453950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AndreaLovesMichonne/pseuds/AndreaLovesMichonne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was a clarification, that even she was powerless to do anything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Faith

**Author's Note:**

> Written a few years ago, finally posting here ;).  
> Timeline: 4.24 Stalker

The entire day had seemed like a bad dream, one which Kat desperately wanted to wake from, but common sense refused to acknowledge anything but the harsh reality; that it wasn’t a bad dream, that it was indeed real—indeed a nightmare—furthermore, it was a clarification, that even she was powerless to do anything, and only the surgeons, technology, and most importantly, Lilly were the ones in control. Lilly was the only one who could pull through this, fight for her life; for them. The surgeons and technology had completed what they were meant to do. 

It was now up to Lilly to continue fighting for survival. 

Kat stood outside the side bay doors, peering through the window, still unable to bring herself to enter the room; the sight of the tubes, and the oxygen mask around Lilly’s mouth, was more than she could handle, and Lilly covered in blood was too much. She watched as Stillman continued to talk, his fingers brushed blonde strands aside. 

Kat closed her eyes only for her mind to slowly replay the moments as Lilly was led out by paramedics. Startled her eyes shot open. Taking one last look at the view in front of her, Kat exited ICU and found herself walking until she came across a dimly lit room.

She wasn’t a religious person. Sure, she’d attended church as a child, believed in God, and was trying to teach Veronica the importance of faith... but, other than that, she couldn’t recall the last time she went to church, she’d made the effort to attend church but work and her busy life continuously made it impossible; which was why she felt this was the biggest cliché of all, and quite possibly the biggest hypocrisy of all. 

But, after today’s event, she found herself in the place she last expected. Strange, how she found herself turning to God. But time and time again she’d heard how people turned to God when they or a loved one found themselves in a life or death situation. Of course it was hypocritical, just because she believed in God, it didn’t automatically guarantee that he would listen to her, let alone help. After all, he could have. No, he should have, prevented this from happening. Lilly wasn’t the criminal, so what did she do to deserve this? Could it have been them? Was this their punishment, did God really hate them enough to carry out such a callous punishment as to leave Lilly fighting for her life? 

It sounded ridiculous as God wasn’t the one to have pulled the trigger, ‘Romeo’ did, but, logic was not on her side, there was no logic behind the shooting, behind Lilly fighting for her life, logic was refusing to answer her questions, and only God could help. 

 

The chapel, much to her relief, was deserted. Kat felt herself tremble as she sat knelt down, she was not going to break down, it was the one promise she’d made herself. But it was clear, from the way her body began to betray her, that despite the promise, this wasn’t a war she was going to win. 

“I-I can’t lose her,” Kat’s voice cracked, her eyes flickering toward the crucifix. “You hear me?!” Her anguish was now turning into anger, and she continued furiously, her anger rising. “Don’t do this to me,” she paused, tears now forming, “Especially not to her,” her nails digging into her palms, “If this is your punishment, towards us…why?” She let out a choked sob, “What have we done that you’d punish Lilly like that. Why would you do that? Cause I never once believed me being…a lesbian” she laughed, bitterly, “was cause for you hatin’ but now….” 

How could something so new, so right, and so perfect, go so horribly wrong? 

_Saturday’s events seemed so far away: Veronica grabbing Lilly’s hand and dragging her towards the penguins, as she was left holding Veronica’s ice cream. Veronica accidentally dropping her strawberry ice cream on Lilly’s black ‘Disco Sucks’ t-shirt as she tried to get a closer look at the baby lamas, Lilly’s soft laughter erupting as a result; and Lilly’s fingers gently brushing against her own—still not quite ready to publicly hold her hand—before blushing and tucking a loose strand of blonde hair behind her ear._

_Lilly refusing to wear her stunning deep red dress, making some lame ass excuse about being too embarrassed to return it to the department store, and instead opting to wear her tight fitted jeans and dark blue printed t-shirt for the restaurant, which she had refused to go until Kat had gotten Veronica to ask none stop, until she finally caved and said yes._

Kat’s body began to tremble, thick warm tears rolled down her cheeks as she muffled sobs into her jacket. Before she knew what was happening, Kat found herself being pulled into an embrace. 

“Doc says she’s stable.” 

Kat sniffed into Will’s shoulder as she struggled to gain control of her emotions. 

How long had she been here? 

“Nobody’s gonna judge you or look at you differently, if you cry,” he said. “You know that.”

“I can’t even close my eyes without….” 

“Go see her, I know she’s sleeping but, last I checked, nobody’s there. John and Scotty have gone to grab some coffee, and Nick’s….Nick’s asleep.”

Several moments of silence passed as Kat tried to compose herself, before standing up. “I…I can’t.” Anguish flooded to the surfaced of her voice, “I’m not ready. I’m not sure if I ever will be. ”


End file.
